~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Since the last P31 study, Satan has been attacking me with my childhood and things that I did before I became a Christian. I withdrew from some activities to really dig into God’s Word. With the LORD’s help, He showed me how to deflect those arrows. Then a few weeks ago I was invited to my 35 year high school reunion.
As I started to connect with former classmates, I felt led to apologize to two people. The first one was very gracious and we started messaging. The other was fairly nice in the first reply, but I found it odd that my apology wasn’t accepted. In the second reply, I was told that I needed to “let go of the past”.
I was a bit hurt at first, but then quickly realized there was truth in what this person said…truth I desperately needed to hear.
The host of the reunion started posting photographs from the yearbook. None of me, of course, because I was not athletic, not popular, not much of anything — just a teenager trying to survive. I could feel the ungodly emotions start to come back: fear, anxiety, shame, and anger. When a “hangover picnic” was added to reunion page, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to delete myself from the reunion page (I am an alcoholic).
Even though I am no longer the person I was 35 years ago, the photos were bringing back emotional triggers that use to make me want to overeat. By deleting myself from the reunion page, I removed myself from the source of my temptations: the temptation to keep looking back at my past, the temptation of wishing for a childhood that I didn’t have and the temptation to eat to fill the void from both.
In the past, I ate when I’ve been hurt. I ate when I was scared. I ate when I was angry. I ate when I was lonely. I ate when I was sad. I ate when I was ashamed. When you’re a broken person with a very broken past, it’s easy to find excuses to overeat.
This time, I did not eat — I dove into God’s Word, allowing His Truth to saturate my mind instead of the lies I was hearing. Instead of feeling sad for the childhood that I did not have, I choose to be THANKFUL for what I DO have!!
In chapter 14 of Made to Crave, Lysa TerKeurst writes how we need to deal with our emotional triggers. I am doing this, and instead of thinking on these hard things from my past, I’m following Lisa’s advice by “parking my mind in a better spot” (page 141):
“Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse.” Philippians 4:8 (The Message)